The Woody Project Blog

August 7, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ryan @ 9:23 pm

Sciurus Carolinensis (Eastern Gray Squirrel)

If you haven’t already seen the publicity, there’s a Samuel L. Jackson movie coming out soon called Snakes on a Plane. From what I can tell, this low budget film is already a cult classic even before anyone’s seen it. The general consensus as to why it is so successful is because it combines two of the most common fears: snakes and flying.

I’ve written about this before (a shiny toonie to the first person to find that entry): the fact that movies seem to be released in pairs – Deep Impact and Armageddon as one example. I think this is my chance to make it big.

I’m going to write a screenplay and send it in to Hollywood to ride on the coattails of Snakes on a Plane. I can make it on almost no budget, all the characters will play themselves, and I already have the location scouted. We’ve even done a dress rehearsal.

I call my movie-to-be:

Squirrel in a Living Room

Think about it… approximately 15% of people have flown and 90% of people are afraid of snakes. Compare that to the number of people who have living rooms, say 99.9% (developed countries only) and the number of people who dislike squirrels, say 90%, the same as snakes, for arguments sake.

If we do the math (I’m a math major, I have years of training, don’t try this at home) and calculate the total fear of each scenario we get the following:

1) Snakes (90%, or .90) multiplied by Planes (15% or .15) equals 14%

2) Squirrel (90%, or .90) multiplied by Living Room (99.9% or .999) equals 90%

As you can clearly see, when expressed as a percentage of the population, Squirrel in a Living Room is much more frightening than Snakes on a Plane.

I can also outline some of the things I’ve learned while researching my film:

1) Squirrels reacts badly to banging on fireplace doors when they are inside.

2) Squirrels do not find peanut butter on a plastic spoon very enticing.

3) A squirrel in a living room is much faster than brother-in-law with a golf club (1-wood I think).

4) When trying to catch a squirrel in a living room it is best to close the doors to the living room because Squirrel in a Living Room could turn into Squirrel in a Dining Room, or Squirrel in a Kitchen, or even Squirrel in a Bedroom, and nobody wants that.

5) When trying to catch a squirrel in a living room it is a good idea to turn on the TV. The particular actor that I had playing the squirrel was mesmerized by the images and kept launching himself off the top of the couch head first into the screen. After about 20 “landings”, the squirrel starts to become disoriented and is much easier to corner.

6) Audiences of Squirrel in a Living Room seem to enjoy it more with a stiff drink in hand.

Good times.

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